Abstract This qualitative study seeks to examine the sexuality-related values and norms that Muslim youth are taught and socialised into at non-formal Islamic education settings, compares these with values and norms conveyed at secondary schools, and then identifies the ways in which Muslim youth navigate these distinct messages and competing pressures around this subject. The data are based on 62 semi-structured in-depth interviews with young adults and secondary school students from four Muslim communities in the Netherlands (Turkish, Moroccan, Pakistani and Egyptian). The study reveals that explicit messaging as well as institutional practices in mosques convey a specific narrative about proper conduct between the sexes that prohibits sexual conduct before marriage, and in some cases, even any form of touching or socialising. This collides with the institutional practices and educational content in mainstream secondary schools, which are co-educational and provide sexuality education. Three strands of attitudinal choices young Muslims make are identified: opting for chastity, re-negotiating the norm, and embracing romantic entanglements, all having different ramifications for the wellbeing and relationships of these young people.